I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
