Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
