he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
