We won't sleep together?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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