it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
