Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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