May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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