What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
