What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is the high leading the old right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
