closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
