you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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