I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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