Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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