Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
