Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
