sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
