you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
