you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
