Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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