You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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