I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
