that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
