im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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