I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
