whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have post one night stand depression
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
