Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
