Welp...herpes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
