Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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