New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
