I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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