omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
