she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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