think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
