This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
