Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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