Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
