no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
