mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
