Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
