My brain says no but my pants say off.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
