Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
