After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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