I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
