He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
