in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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