dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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