thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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