My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
