That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
