grandma shit on top of the toilet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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