hotel room ftw
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
