Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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