We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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