A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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