I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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