At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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