he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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