If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
