Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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