Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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